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Deepa Nair . Lost Love.by Thrinitha
The feeling of expecting someone’s voice when you wake up and realizing that it’s never going to be there anymore is terrifying.
The feeling of losing your loved ones is truly the worst. Nothing can compare to it. You are just filled with numbness and extreme pain.
My amma was just amazing. She was never the conventional mom. She devoted all her life for me and my sis. Supported us in ways no parent would ever do, literally. Brought us up in the most beautiful manner despite the hardships we faced. Many parents around used to ask my mom “Why are you supporting your kids soo much?”, some inspired others jealous. She always answered proudly “ There is nothing wrong if you love your kids too much and just want to be there for them “. I know for sure that all her dreams were slowly taking form through us, especially recently. It’s really scary to think how one instance can completely change a person’s life.
I have never met a stronger person in my life. The patience, tolerance and drive with which she used to get things done was phenomenal as well as scary to see. She never hesitated to take risks or help the people around her with whatever she could provide. She was always a diva at the same time a people’s person. She was a support and mother figure to my friends and many others.
Amma, I miss you sooo much. As each day passes by, I slowly try to get back to things. Thinking I’m better and bolder than yesterday. But simultaneously it’s getting worser. Everything I step into I remember of you. Every second of my life involved you. With a mother like you the pain is real. More the love, more the pain. I think the hardest thing to overcome are the memories, too many of them. They are too precious at the same time really haunting. But I’ll desperately miss just you being here beside me.
I’ll miss how you used to tease me, your morning calls, your hugs and kisses, the magical words of encouragement you whisper to me before any stage, our small arguments whenever getting dressed for stage, our brainstorming sessions, you shouting at me for studying too much, you telling me to chill, your criticism... and so much more. I can write a book about this. These instances are the hardest to overcome.
It’s terrifying to remember how my mother was STRUGGLING TO BREATHE . At that time my hands were on her chest and she was looking at me. I was praying to god to save my mom and for the ambulance to come fast. I could see that my mother was not ready to give up. She kept on fighting and pushing as always. Then suddenly after few minutes her eyes went up and she stopped moving. My heart stopped. First I did not believe it and knew she would come back as always. But I was wrong and severely traumatized. After several days of deep thoughts, I understood that sometimes certain things are meant to happen no matter how much you try to prevent it. My family did everything we could within our reach.
I know that this happened to us because god knew we could handle the pain. Everything happens in life for a reason. I am severely hurt and I know I’ll never be able to forget this. But I hope one day I can accept this and become even more stronger. Now everything I do in my life will be for my amma. I hope I am able to achieve everything she wanted for us and even more. I’ll always remember the proud smile she had on her face whenever she heard/talked about us.
Amma always told me that I was her pillar of strength and that she could always rely on me for support. I promise to do my best and be the same for my dad and sister. I love them soo much. She instilled in us to be humble, positive, hard working, independent, and caring. But most importantly to love ourselves. She showed us how everything in life has a solution no matter how big or small the problem. I hope I am able to be the same and even better in the future.
Amma, you did leave a great mark on this world before you left. You are my inspiration. I’m sooo happy and proud to be your daughter. Anyone would want a mother like you. Amma, I really really miss you. I wish I could give you a tight hug and a kiss right now. Love you tooo much.
Your Molu ♥️
I have a lot more to say. But I’ll stop here. I thank everyone who has genuinely supported us through this. However, we’ll ignore and keep away from the negative beings, who have many a times tried to pull us down for no reason.
Thank you to everyone who read till here. I love you. My sister and I will soon be getting back to dance and regular activities ASAP.
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